After 20 years in the finance industry I felt depressed and anxious — until I started microdosing. It helped me see how I was holding myself back. #IndustryFinance

• Peggy Van de Plassche felt depressed and anxious until she started microdosing psilocybin three years ago.

• Microdosing tiny amounts of psychedelics has gained interest in recent years, but is illegal under U.S. federal law.

• There’s not enough evidence to prove that it works yet, and data is mostly self-reported.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Peggy Van de Plassche, 47, the founder of The Microdose Diet, who lives in Toronto. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Until a few years ago, I had been working in finance for 20 years. I liked the industry, but I felt constantly anxious, emotionally numb, and depressed.

I didn’t feel like the time I was putting in and the value I was bringing to the business where I worked were being recognized. I was on high alert all the time, responding to emails from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning until my head hit the pillow at night. My stress levels were so constant that there was no space for joyful feelings. When I got a promotion, for example, I wouldn’t feel excited, even though I’d been working toward it for a long time.

I job-hopped a lot because I would eventually become frustrated by something, a difficult relationship, or a project that was not going at the speed I wanted, and I’d leave.

At the time, I blamed external factors for how I was feeling, but each time I switched jobs, after six months or so, mentally, I’d be in the exact same place as before. In hindsight, I realized that when you’re unhappy with yourself, you can change your environment as much as you like, but you’ll have the same problem if you haven’t changed.

When COVID came around, I had my own consulting company and I was advising pension and VC funds on investments in the FinTech space. Business had really slowed in that period, which meant I had more time to think, and it really became apparent that I had a lot of anxiety and depression.

I had been on the personal development treadmill for quite some time already. I had tried therapy and many other techniques and had seen some improvement but I only felt about 5% better after 12 years, which just wasn’t enough.

Around that time I started to notice articles about microdosing psychedelics to manage stress and anxiety and boost focus popping up in the business publications I was reading.

I read one article, then two, then three, and I was like, “What’s going on here?” In my mind, you’re taking psychedelics to go to a rave. You’re taking three grams, and you’re dancing! I wanted to know more, so I turned to clinical studies and really did some research. I discovered that the FDA had classified psilocybin as a breakthrough therapy for resistant depression in 2018. It looked really promising.

I was close to breaking point and simply couldn’t take the constant negativity in my head anymore. So I decided to try micro-dosing psilocybin.

Within a week I felt calmer

I live in Toronto where magic mushrooms are technically illegal but there are dispensaries everywhere. It’s kind of a gray area.

I bought some products from my massage therapist and I started microdosing based on the research I had done. I played around a bit with the dosage and the frequency until I found a very good protocol.

Within a week to ten days I would say I started to feel calmer. When you’re taking a low dose every few days you don’t feel high or hallucinate but I felt more present and happy. Doing it alongside other self-care rituals, like journaling and visualization, made a huge difference for me. It’s not a silver bullet, but I wouldn’t have been able to turn things around like I did without microdosing.

Before, I was neurotic about time management to the point where it was debilitating. If I had a meeting at 10 a.m., I was at the computer ready at 9 a.m.. Once I was flying to Tokyo and the fight was late in the day, but I wouldn’t even go for a walk because I felt like I needed to stay home until I got into the cab to the airport because “you don’t know what might happen!”

After three months on psilocybin, that neurosis was gone. I now log onto a meeting one minute before because I feel confident in my ability to cope.

I started to become aware of my limiting beliefs

I felt like I had more space in my brain, which gave me enough distance from my thoughts to see them clearer. I started to become aware that some subconscious beliefs I had were making me feel bad about myself.

I realized that I had a huge fear of authority, which was likely a product of being raised in a very authoritarian environment. I had this belief that I always had to do what I was told, which had been limiting me.

Finally I was able to notice the pattern and, over time, reprogram my brain to respond differently. I became a bit of an explorer, looking out for blind spots and observing my tendencies.

My network really responded to my story

At the time, I had a newsletter where I wrote about companies I thought people should invest in. But one day, I decided to write a post about my microdosing experience. It was a risk but I thought it would help a lot of people.

I ended up getting more responses to it than any other post. Dozens of people reached out with questions.

It ended up taking on a life of its own and today I have a microdosing business. I’ve written a book on my protocol and I coach people on how to mircodose to get more out of their lives.

If you would’ve told me three, four years ago, I would do that, I would say, “you’re dreaming.”

I love it but I think that one day I’d like to go back into finance and see how different it would feel for me now.

Read the original article on Business Insider