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I knew without Googling that Keir Starmer was a Smiths fan. We’re from the same generation. I can always spot ‘em.
That’s probably because I’m a Smiths fan, too. But the difference between me and Starmer is that I’ve lightened up since wasting my younger years moping around feeling sorry for myself.
Judging by his performance so far as PM, Keir Starmer hasn’t moved on one bit. His downbeat public pronouncements sound like the lyrics to one of Morrissey’s best-known songs, Heaven knows I’m miserable now.
And he’s seems determined to make the rest of us miserable, too.
Nobody has told Starmer that a key part of the PM’s role is to inject a bit of positivity, inspire people to roll their sleeves up and crack on with the job.
It’s not his job to moan how unfair life is and bring everybody down. That’s Morrissey’s job and he does it very well. You wouldn’t want him running the country, though.
And I’m not sure most voters will want Starmer running the country, either, if he carries on like this.
Starmer’s recent “rose garden speech was classic Mozza, as he painted a grim picture of British decline.
After moaning about the UK’s “deep rot” and “societal black hole”, he finished by warning that “Frankly – things will get worse”.
Which sounds like the best song title Morrissey never wrote.
Starmer’s strategy is clear. He wants to make everybody feel hard done by today, while the next election is still years away.
He hopes voters will blame all their woes on the Tories, then thank Labour when things get better.
But things won’t get better if Starmer keeps whingeing on like this. His negativity has a real impact on the economy, and he doesn’t seem to grasp it.
The Tories left the country in a mess, no doubt about that, but the economy was showing signs of recovery when Rishi Sunak was booted out.
GDP grew 0.7% in the first quarter and 0.6% in the second, the fastest in the G7.
It didn’t take me long to find eight things that are now going right with the UK.
Instead of talking the country up, Starmer has talked it down, hitting business investment and smashing confidence.
He needs to find a better tune to sing. Fast.
His moping has infected his own party, too.
Labour MPs were happy in the haze of July’s election win. Heaven knows, they’re miserable now, as the party tears itself apart over chancellor Rachel Reeves’ decision to axe the Winter Fuel Payment.
Party activists joined the party to help the poor, not to strip state benefits from pensioners earning as little as £11,343 a year.
They’re wondering why they gave their valuable time to people who don’t care if pensioners live or they die.
Voters wanted the Tories out and they got the Tories out, but heaven knows they’re miserable now.
Taxpayers will be even more miserable in October, when Reeves unveils her autumn Budget.
“What she’ll ask of them at the end of the day, Caligula would have blushed,” as Morrissey almost sang.
Heaven knows, I’m miserable just thinking about it. Starmer needs to change the record now, before we’re all depressed.